Scottish Castles….Ramparts, Dry Moats & Drop Bridges….

…..At least two of them anyway. Another blond moment – when I finally arrived at the ticket counter after an impossible line (I am not a natural queuer – really… how many Americans are??) I was asked if I was planning on seeing any other castles while in Scotland and they had this fab pass that would give me a steep discount, etc. etc. I declined – I only planned on seeing two – how many more could there be? Scotland’s not THAT big. As my brother Dan is fond of saying, “What are you? New?” As it turns out – the country is literally awash with them. In retrospect – considering the current Pound to Dollar exchange rate (Ouch!) I should’ve gotten the pass…..

Pretty much everywhere you look in Edinburgh is dominated by some view of the Edinburgh Castle. Which is appropriate when you think about it – a castle in those days was really a fort and it was of particular benefit to be able to survey the land and approaching enemies as close to 360 degrees as possible. Is that why corporate execs have corner offices? I digress… My first impression was that it looked like it grew out of the rocks. I know I have made this observation in previous posts – but how did they do this level of construction without benefit of modern machinery? And it’s still standing – after being razed completely save for one small chapel at least once in the last 1000 years. I followed the obligatory tour and once again was delighted with the Scot’s amazing capacity for story telling. Much more fun that reading a guidebook account and the accent is to die for. It was declared impenetrable and was only breached once in its long history by a small band of brave lads scaling the cliffside ramparts. Try that without modern climbing gear, at night, in the driving rain, archers at the ready above you ….in a skirt….

As with many Scottish castles – so I was told – moats made no sense. With the topography being mostly hills – moats would simply drain into the villages below. But the concept was still employed as yet another means of protection. Scaled the cliff and external wall successfully? OK, but now you have an expanse of ground to cross without benefit of cover – all manner of nasty instruments of death and destruction lying in wait and a second rampart to conquer. If you managed that still standing – ok – you’re in. But wait – now you have the king’s close guard to overcome. In addition to being the best of the best, more than likely they are armored (you left yours at the bottom of the cliff to lighten your load) and they aren’t exhausted, probably got a decent nights sleep – maybe even a roll with a willing wench (but they’re probably in skirts too) As I was meandering the grounds I could see the ghosts of these soldiers – marveled at the courage, strength and tenacity it must have took in those days to be a warrior. Not at all a slight on our military today but you have to agree – it’s not quite as personal any more – save – for the most part – the added benefit of pants.

No, I didn’t misspell Draw Bridges in the title. At least the Edinburgh and Stirling castles employed a Drop Bridge. Having missed that part of the guided tour I can only surmise that – given gravity – it’s a helluva lot faster to drop several tons of lumber than it is to raise it. I’m sure there is a much more elegant and thoughtful reason – if you find out let me know.

Tourists are the main bread and butter for current castle revenues but it is also a very popular and auspicious place to wed. Indeed – there were happy (hopefully) nuptials taking place the day I visited. The groom was resplendent in his Scottish formal attire and the bride was glowing. After witnessing the Florence wedding at Dante’s House with attendant misgivings – remember? Inferno, Divine Comedy, Purgatory….. I was simply taken in by the grandeur of the scene and silently sent them my heartfelt congratulations and well wishes. My friends Kim and Russ were married in her namesake castle just outside of Prague. I was unable to attend but if it was anything like this – what an extraordinary start to a life together. A true Kodak moment – with both parties in dresses! I’m telling you – Scottish men have the corner on the “secure in their manhood” market… LOL

From the current Stirling town entrance by train – the castle is not visible. More than likely the town grew against that face in the last few centuries. The first thing that struck me was the “King’s Gold” colored building in the center of the grounds. The ‘Great Hall’ as I discovered later. It looked odd and garish. As I made my way in and around I noticed more rooms that either had been restored or were in the process of being restored as close to original likeness as historical documents can provide. At first blush I thought it was a sacrilege – as if there was a defacement occurring. Ok, yet another blond moment…sigh…. It dawned on me that the decaying edifices that I saw all around me weren’t always decaying edifices. Hello! At one time they were new construction (yes I can hear Dan clearly…What are you? New?) If you believe the history books – James V wanted Stirling castle to be a glorious and imposing beacon of his reign and sovereignty. A visual display of the promise of greatness to his people. Ok, perhaps he just wanted to show off but with an unlimited budget like his – why not? He was new and young with a statement to make. Hmmmmm….brings to mind another new young leader intent on making his own mark by spending loads of his people’s cash on showy displays…. I digress, again. After this stunning (tongue in cheek) revelation – I started to imagine the rest of the castle in all its original splendor and how it must have looked to a contingent of – say- Spanish nobles coming in to swing a deal.

A word to Brave Heart enthusiasts – do NOT – under pain of excruciating embarrassment – raise your hand when queried by the castle tour staff if you’ve seen the movie. I myself admit to having seen the film at least 5 times and cried every single time William rips off the helmet of his attacker and finds the Bruce. Ahhhhh – the betrayal….. Any Scot will tell you in no – absolutely no uncertain terms – the movie is nothing but a grand pile of Coo Shite (a Coo being a scottish cow with long hair) Suffice to say – Mel and Hollywood have a lot of ‘splainin’ to do and at least as far as the movie is concerned – are not terribly popular here either. While I heard conflicting stories as to why William Wallace was decidedly not the embodiment of the Brave Heart – it was uniformly concurred that Robert the Bruce was the true savior and leader of the times. While Edinburgh castle is wonderful and convenient – I found Stirling castle much more historically interesting and well worth the train trip. I have to admit – after my visit – if I deign to watch Brave Heart again – I probably won’t cry.

Edinburgh ….. the Gateway to my Scottish Adventure

I made the observation in earlier posts that San Remo encouraged its visitors to relax and leisurely take it all in and that Florence – by dearth of benches – urged her patrons to ‘just keep perambulating’. What struck me first in Edinburgh was the sheer number of benches. It’s not a very big city and at its core they were literally lining the streets and park walkways – side by side. Then I began exploring the city and realized why. The gentle rolling landscape from the air morphed into steep hills on the ground – lots of them. Edinburgh encourages you to rest – frequently. I’m sure I had no choice. And how did women in very high heels do it? Going downhill was just as arduous – it felt like an urban version of mountain climbing at times. In retrospect -all those hours and hours of walking in previous locations was just training for wandering up and down the many many hills in this absolutely beautiful city. And Scottish weather? Well – I’m from Seattle – enough said…

My next observation was just how friendly everyone was especially after London. When I had to ask for directions I not only got very detailed descriptions but many times it was just a precursor for a conversation about where I was from, tidbits about the best restaurants, the best whiskey, the best pubs, etc. And, a word about pubs here – I had no trouble meeting many folks who instantly included me in their little evening circle. Generally it seemed it was because an American provided fodder for disseminating all the sources of ill in the world (of course – the Americans!) But it was all in good fun and good natured plus they took as well as they gave. They were delightfully candid and had no compunction what so ever about asking very personal questions and sharing their lives with me. That whole Northern Latitude reticence just wasn’t at all the case here. Buying rounds for everyone was standard protocol and repeated often and at alarmingly frequent intervals. “No thank you – I’m ok for now” was always greeted with – well – another round. Since I am Scottish by heritage I could keep up – but just……. It was great fun.

Speaking of entertainment – as soon as I got off the bus from the airport – I was greeted with the wonderful sounds of bagpipes. Street corner musicians invariably play the bagpipes and to my untrained ear – they sounded really good. There was even a free concert by a young band who’s genre I can only call “bagpipe fusion”. While I can’t attach the video I took – imagine a guy jumping up and down to the beat of his drummer while simultaneously playing bagpipes – really well. No mean feat. I was fascinated….

Food…. Any visit to Scotland would not be complete without Haggis. Now, I have heard horror stories about this interesting delicacy. But I am always willing to try anything once and so – I tried Haggis. I found it wonderful and did not ask the contents being satisfied that there are times in life when ignorance is truly bliss. However, having shared this experience with family – my brother Chris just had to send me the recipe complete with his own interpretations. While I can applaud the Scots for being frugal as well as ecologically minded and making use of any and all of a sheep – I will be refraining from Haggis in the future. Tatties and Neeps are pretty wonderful – potatoes and turnips – but mayo on fries? I have to draw a line in the sand. This is not unique to Scotland – I was introduced to it in London and – well – it’s still faintly disgusting to me. To each his own.

Instant coffee abounds in the UK even with Starbucks on every street corner in London. I never saw one in Italy – no big surprise there – they are pretty proud of their coffee. I imagine that they may even have banned Starbucks (I really don’t know) Edinburg has a few Starbucks scattered about but I am determined not to step foot in one on my trip and so instant coffee it is. It’s not too bad once you get used to it. Really. I just can’t bring myself to drink tea instead. It is interesting that there just isn’t the variety of veggies you’d find in the states. Cost of distribution? They just aren’t that into them here? Too cold? Who knows but salads that contain anything other than lettuce and the occasional carrot or tomato are hard to come by. What I have come to appreciate on my journey is that Europeans don’t ‘supersize’ portions. Instead, presentation and quality are the focus – at least in the places I enjoyed. And the cheese here!!!! Better than Paris in my opinion.

Scottish Malt Whiskey is in its own special category. Marvelous stuff and many brands you can’t get in the states. And – its CHEAP here – even the good stuff – Yea!! Suffice to say – I have tried at least 11 different kinds and am nowhere near done yet. Thank god I am within walking distance of my digs. On a recycling note – I have seen houses made from old whiskey barrels and yes – they are round.

I have never seen this many men’s knees in the daylight in my life outside a football (soccer) game. Yes, kilts are in abundance -worn not just by older men either. Not having had a good wind twirl up any kilt in my vicinity – yet – I can neither confirm or deny that particular myth. What I find delightful is that Scottish men have felt so secure in their manhood down through the ages that they have been wearing the equivalent of a ‘Man Bag” for centuries. I asked a few men if they had anything in their Sporrans and they produced wallets, keys, cigs., etc. There you go Stateside Guys – be brave – start a trend…..

As nearly everywhere in Europe – history abounds and I found many establishments who were proud to laud their bit (is that redundant?) – here is a sample:

Having visited both the Edinburgh and Stirling castles – I will save those for another post. Suffice to say – after I seriously huffed and puffed my way to the top of Carlton Park Hill and took in the alternate views of Edinburgh and the Firth of Forth it is easy to see why some in these parts still believe in magic and the fairy people……